ahhhh...finally this computer lets me post something...

Hola Amigos,
Finally this computer let´s me post something...its tempermental...the other day it kept on kicking me off my gmail, so I couldn´t read my emails. And the past 2 days it has been kicking me off blogspot everytime I log in SO ANNOYING!
Moving on...I just came back from the retreat center again, this week we were sending off women for their first retreat. This week I actually knew a few people which was nice :) They practiced their bad English on me, and I practiced my improving Spanish. I learned how to say how are you in Guarani, but now I forget it lol...I need to write everything down or else I forget. I did write down the names of the food they had though... butifarra, mbeju,gascoa, and empanandas.Wilma asked me how we say empanadas in English...and I was like ahhh empanadas! lol Today, I took a much needed long walk, which was very nice, and insanely hot! They need more trees here! I was looking for the oficina de cambio, office to change my money. But I didn´t find it and I got tired and insanely thirsty. I either didn´t understand this taxi cab driver who gave me directions or he led me astray...either way it was nice to take a long walk. Paraguayans are very nice and helpful people. One lady asked me where a certain bus went and of course I had no idea, but she was very friendly and nice when I told her no se. Of course there were a couple gross older men eyeing me in that gross way, but I think gross older men are universal... I paid a dolar for a bottle of water, which doesn´t sound like much, but since I had no guarani, I paid too much but it was all I had and I didn´t want to give the guy nothing so I told him to take it oh well.
Today, somewhat ironically is teachers day so everyone had school off.Including Wilma but she had to work at the office for part of the day. I still feel like people don´t work or go to school as much as we do. They wake up earlier and start everything earlier at 7 am, but they are home by 12-12:30 maybe 1 till 3ish... and the girls in the house don´t go back to school that is only like 5 hours of work or school. Wilma sometimes go back to the office or has a random meeting, but still I don´t know how they get everything done?! Yesterday, the girls got out even earlier and at the schools they give the teachers presents and put on presentations the day before, which is nice but our teachers actually work on teachers day. Tomorrow is another holdiday...labor day. Everyone has off labor day and bbq´s similiar to the us :) I´m looking foward to that, but once again how to they get shit done?! lol Yesterday, I also met some of Wilma´s students they were painting an advertisement for a fundraising event next week on the side wall of the school. They were high schoolers, but mostly shy to practice their English with me. Except one boy, oh who was black, 18, skinny, and tall. He had really pretty curly hair, clearly mixed but black and like I said everyone is mixed here. He asked me a lot of questions about NYC and what music I like, and of course if I had a boyfriend stuff... I don´t know why everyone asks me that, whats the fixation?I don´t really want one, let alone need one. Very rarely have I felt spark, chemistry, that je ne say quoix (which i know butchered in my spelling)but you know what I mean that like magnetic kinetic connection with someone. And I need that I can´t settle for luke warm...whatever it is phermones I dunno I think it worth waiting for.Anyway, I tried to reply mostly in Spanish. For some reason the event was called Pac Man like the video game...I asked them why and they i dunno just because.It was cute they painted the pac man image on the wall. Um what else...I think the icecream is better here, Jasmine and I went down to street to a lil bodega like place and got icecream i got fruilla(strawberry) and i was amazing!
I´ve been on the job search and so far nada...i might put an add online for tutoring in the mean time.The school year started in Feb so maybe I came too late...we´ll see I´m hopeful and having a little faith...that things will work out. I´m going to give it 3 months though. Even faith needs a little deadline lol. And I know a lot of you are non religeous, but my faith has led me to a couple beautiful places in the world Italy and Alaska, both of those trips were free by the way...So, I really do believe God, Jesus, an angel someone up there is looking out for me. And I am grateful :) I think whatever greater being led me here to this house with this loving family too. Even Wilma told me she gets a lot of emails about teaching english and moving here and she ignores them, but there was something about me...Today she asked me how I was feeling, happy, sad, excited, missing home, likin paraguay. And it was hard for me to explain because I feel all those emotions and more any given day any given time. Sometimes, I feel all those things all at once. I guess I just feel emotional period...lol It´s very peaceful here sometimes I like to sit on the back patio, and listen to the birds, and watch the flowers, and feel the breeze, and the rustling of leaves. This afternoon I did that with Tia Julia while the sun was setting, at that moment I didn´t want to be anywhere else in the world. At that moment I was completely present. Last week I felt more out of me body, kind of in disbelief that I was actually here, and longing for home and the familiar. Now, I want to see more, explore more, taste more, learn more. My curiosity of this country and its people, my people has only grown more and more.
On the car ride home today I was thinking about my life. I was thinking about everything I´ve been through that has led me to this point, this place, this day. And I was thinking how different my life would have been so far, if I was raised here. Who would I be? How would I act? Would my personality be very different? Would I even know English? Would I be married with kids? Where would I live? Would I be happy? What would I want? Who would be my friends? The whole entire course of my life changed because of what my birth mom and mom decided to do with their lives. And I am grateful to both of them for the opportunities I was given, but now that I am down here I really just wonder...who I would have become. There is that whole argument over nature versus nature in the development of a child to adulthood. I think both play an important part in human development. I would like to think a good part of who I am would be the same if I had lived here the past 20 years. My love of art and beauty and nature in paintings, design, jewerly, fashion, and architecture. My love of babies and children, and sun and water, and sweets :)My calmness and kindness I hope would be the same as well. But no one will ever really know...and that´s ok, because generally I like who I am now.I think I´m done with my rambling thoughts now :) And I´m trying to make an effort to get to bed earlier, so I can wake up earlier...
xoxo
Glady